


My Boys

by walkwithursus



Category: What We Do in the Shadows (TV)
Genre: Blood Drinking, Blow Jobs, Cuckolding, Cunnilingus, Dom/sub, Explicit Sexual Content, Face-Sitting, Femdom, Minor Violence, Multi, Nadja and Laszlo's Constant One-upmanship, Nandor used as a sex doll, Orgasm Delay/Denial, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, Threesome - F/M/M, Verbal Humiliation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-11
Updated: 2020-07-11
Packaged: 2021-03-05 05:02:34
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,267
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25198945
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/walkwithursus/pseuds/walkwithursus
Summary: After discovering that Laszlo has had secret relations with Nandor in the past, Nadja decides it's her turn to ride the stallion.
Relationships: Laszlo Cravensworth/Nadja, Laszlo Cravensworth/Nadja/Nandor the Relentless, Laszlo Cravensworth/Nandor the Relentless, Nadja/Nandor the Relentless (What We Do in the Shadows TV)
Comments: 31
Kudos: 106





	My Boys

**Author's Note:**

> Please check the tags before reading! R18+ ONLY please.

If there was one thing Laszlo Cravensworth was known for in life, it was his constant, if not excessive vigilance. Always on the alert, ready to fight (or flee) at a moment’s notice, Laszlo could be relied upon to sleep with one eye open, keeping his eyes and ears peeled for danger at all times. 

As it so happened, tonight Laszlo was doing exactly that when his heightened vampiric senses alerted him to the sound of his lady wife in distress, pulling him from the depths of slumber and raising alarm bells in the back of his head.

“Nadja?” 

The door to Laszlo’s coffin swung open at his command, and he lowered his arms from their crossed position over his chest. For a long moment he was silent, listening intently for any other sound to reach him, a struggle or a scream in the distance. Eventually he heard a quiet thump and a series of low moans, and the hairs stood up on the back of his neck. Nadja was in danger. He was sure of it. 

“I’m coming my darling,” Laszlo cried valiantly, stumbling out of his coffin and skidding to a halt in the hallway. Swift as a shadow, he followed the source of the noise out to the base of the double staircase, where he stopped to take in his surroundings. On his left, the door to the library was open and the room empty, while on the right, the curtain shielding the fancy room had been drawn shut. Behind it, Laszlo could just make out Nadja’s desperate cries, along with the dry, smacking sound of skin slapping skin. If Laszlo had had blood, it would have boiled; no one struck his lady wife and lived to tell the tale!

“I’m here Nadja!” Laszlo cried, leaping heroically forward and ripping the curtain aside in one fell swoop. 

“Oh, hello Laszlo,” Nadja called breathily from the lounge, glancing over her shoulder toward her husband’s frozen figure. 

There was a beat of silence, save for soft moans and the continued sound of slapping skin. Laszlo’s jaw fell open, and the next words out of his mouth were spoken in a tone of utter indignation. “What the _bloody hell_ is going on here?” 

Nadja, Laszlo's gorgeous, elegant, fiercely sexy wife, was almost completely nude on the couch, seated in the lap of a large, hairy man. A sheer purple shawl fluttered around her shoulders as she rode his massive cock, her hips bouncing up and down on his powerful thighs. It dawned on Laszlo then that his lady wife had been moaning, yes, but not in distress as he had thought. If anything, she seemed to be in a state of pure ecstasy, thanks in no small part to the efforts of the man underneath her. And not just any man, Laszlo realized with a jolt—Nandor. Their housemate. Laszlo’s own on-again-off-again lover. 

“Hello Laszlo,” Nandor said, only slightly sheepishly, poking his head around Nadja’s bare shoulder to look at him. 

“Don’t you ‘hello’ me, you blackguard,” Laszlo said darkly, pointing an accusatory finger toward the other vampire. “Get your hands off my wife’s ample-yet-perky tits this instant.” 

Nandor obeyed, his large hands drifting from Nadja’s breasts to her hips, gripping and squeezing as she fucked herself faster on his cock. The blissed-out smile on Nandor's face was made goofy by the presence of fangs poking out from under his top lip. Laszlo had half a mind to march over there and smack the look off his face, but for the life of him he couldn't bring himself to move. He felt frozen in place, forced to watch as his housemate fucked his wife in front of him. 

The sheer, sequined shawl Nadja had thrown across her shoulders fluttered to the floor, and she made a noise of dismay. “Oh, pick that up for me, will you Laszlo?” she asked absently, licking her fingers before lowering a hand to palm at her clit. “I don’t want it to get dirty.” 

Laszlo took that as an opportunity to move into the room, his knees finally unlocking and allowing him to draw closer. He knelt to gather the shawl and balled it up in his fists, raising back up quickly so as not to linger at eye-level for too long. 

“I can’t believe this,” Laszlo said, his voice shaking with suppressed emotion. “I heard you moaning from upstairs in what I thought was agony. I rushed down here to save you, like a knight in shining fucking armor, I might add, only to find you shagging the brains out of the guy we live with! My darling, how could you?” 

Nadja spared him a pitying look, her red lips slightly parted with exertion. “Well, after what you said about him in the witches' lair, I just had to try him out for myself.”

“You _have_ tried him,” Laszlo argued petulantly. “At the orgies! Many times. I know you have.”

“Yes, but that is an orgy. It’s different one-on-one, you know that,” Nadja crooned, rolling her hips back and forth across Nandor’s lap. 

"It's true," Nandor seconded, his voice hitching slightly as she adjusted the angle of her movements. "Nadja explained it to me. It's only fair."

“It is not,” Laszlo said, as Nadja scoffed and turned her upper body back to face Nandor. Laszlo attempted to get back into her field of vision. “This isn’t right! You know it isn’t! I was always discreet with Nandor. If it weren’t for his idiot response the other night you would’ve never found out—”

“Laszlo, darling, when you stand right here it is very distracting to me,” Nadja whined, taking one of her hands from Nandor’s shoulders and forcing Laszlo onto his knees. Laszlo opened his mouth to protest; his face was now inches away from where their bodies were joined, providing him with an even clearer view of Nandor’s thick cock thrusting in and out of his wife’s cunt. 

“But my darling—” Laszlo started.

“No. No ‘buts,’” Nadja said firmly, tossing her head so that the tail end of her long black hair nearly whipped him across the face. Laszlo stared up at her profile, attempting to block out the obscene, rhythmic shlicking sounds coming from their bodies. Above him, Nandor sucked in a gasp as the pace sped up, and Laszlo felt the first traitorous stirrings of interest in the front of his trousers. Nadja’s red taloned fingers slid into Nandor’s dark hair and made a fist. 

“That’s right, you love this, don’t you? You big stupid idiot,” Nadja sneered, circling her hips. Nandor’s answering groan broke off into a whine as she tightened her grip in his hair. “Do I fuck you better than my husband?” 

There was a pause as Nandor cast a glance down to where Laszlo was kneeling on the floor. “Erm, I don’t—”

“Don’t ask him to choose between us!” Laszlo cried, reaching out a tentative hand to touch his wife’s naked thigh. She slapped it away. 

“Why?” asked Nadja. “Because you’re afraid of the answer?” As if to prove her point, she slammed her hips down, taking the full length of Nandor’s cock inside her and presumably squeezing around him. Nandor, the big, stupid brute, groaned as his eyes rolled back into his head. 

“On the contrary,” Laszlo said. “It is _you_ who I think would not like the answer.”

“Oh, shut up, Laszlo.”

“No, no, I think you deserve to know that I’ve made War Admiral* here come seven times in one night before.” 

Nadja let out a gasp of betrayal, whipping her head around to look at him. “You arsehole! You’ve never made me come more than five!”

“It’s really not a competition,” Nandor started to say, his face mostly blocked by the curve of Nadja’s shoulder, but Laszlo and Nadja were quick to cut him off in unison:

“Shut up, Nandor!” 

Nandor fell silent for a moment before trying again. “Sorry, Laszlo,” he ground out through his teeth. The words came out automatic, distracted, the vampire’s dark eyes locked onto Nadja’s bouncing breasts. 

“Oh, stuff your sorry,” Laszlo spat. “You can’t even look me in the eye as you apologize.”

“I can so,” Nandor said, forcibly turning his head to look at him, his expression glazed. 

Nadja reached out a taloned hand and grabbed Nandor’s face, pinching his cheeks until his mouth puckered. “What are you looking at him for?” she asked, tilting Nandor’s head so that he was forced to look up at her. “Is he the one fucking you right now? Hm?”

“No,” Nandor said, the word coming out smushed and pathetic. 

“That’s right,” Nadja said, releasing her grip on his cheeks. “You look at me until I tell you otherwise.” 

“Yes, Nadja,” Nandor groaned, his fingers flexing on her rolling hips. 

Nadja purred her approval, raking her nails down Nandor’s chest and opening the skin in thin, gently curving lines. Pinpricks of blood began to well up, and Laszlo licked his lips reflexively, his prick stiffening in his breeches. 

“Oh, I’m sorry, darling, does that make you thirsty?” Nadja turned to ask him, her tone slightly mocking. She leaned down to drag her tongue along one of the open wounds, and Nandor hissed with pleasure, his hips snapping up to meet her downward thrusts. When she pulled away, her mouth was red and wet and messy. 

“Come here and have a taste,” Nadja said, beckoning Laszlo to shuffle forward on his knees. Swallowing the last of his pride, Laszlo released his vice-like hold on Nadja’s shawl and obeyed, arching up slightly to meet her lips in a kiss. Her tongue slipped into his mouth, demanding and possessive, bestowing the coppery taste of blood before vanishing all too soon. Turning back around, Nadja picked up the pace once more, leaning heavily against Nandor’s chest to work her hips as hard and fast as she could. 

Laszlo watched enviously as Nandor bared his teeth, eyes screwed shut. “Ah, Nadja, I’m—” 

“You better watch that or he’s gonna come,” Laszlo said warningly, pointing up at the familiar, pinched expression of his housemate.

“Ugh! Of course he is!” Nadja let out a hiss of frustration and stopped the vigorous bouncing of her hips. Abruptly, she lifted herself off of Nandor and stood over him, her feet planted on either side of his thighs. Nandor stared up at her as his bleeding chest heaved rapidly with every panting breath. The poor bastard’s erection, painfully hard by Laszlo’s standards, twitched against his hairy stomach. 

“You think your cock is good enough for me?” Nadja demanded. “You think that just because you can make my Laszlo come that you are some top specimen in the bedroom? No, I don’t think so. I’m not remotely satisfied yet, Nandor, so don’t you even think about having an orgasm.” 

Grabbing Nandor by the back of the head, Nadja shifted forward until she was sitting on his face, her thighs spread wide on either side of his bearded cheeks. Nandor’s moan of surprise was muffled as he sunk his tongue into her. 

“Watch the beard, Mr. Sasquatch Man,” she ordered, shifting her hips from side to side to get comfortable. As Nandor’s tongue found her clit she sighed, eyelids fluttering shut and fingers relaxing in his hair. 

“Ahh. Yes, that is it. Good boy, yes, lick softly, now. Move your tongue in circles,” she ordered, rocking her body gently back and forth against his face. Her unoccupied hand drifted up to cup her own breast, and she pinched her nipple between thumb and forefinger. 

“You should have told me how talented he was with his tongue,” Nadja said, throwing a smoldering glance at Laszlo over her shoulder. “I love a man who’s not afraid to pleasure a woman with his mouth.” 

“Mnnfgh,” Nandor moaned, his fingers digging into the backs of her thighs as he pulled her closer to his face. Laszlo’s insides writhed with jealousy at the same time as his dick twitched. 

“Usually he’s not so keen,” Laszlo said dejectedly, reflecting back on the numerous times he had given and failed to receive a little oral stimulation from his housemate in return. 

“He seems perfectly keen now,” Nadja responded, looking down at the visible half of Nandor’s face. “Aren’t you, my pathetic little pet?”

A truly obscene sucking noise filled the air as Nandor redoubled his enthusiasm. Slowly, sneakily, Nandor made as though to touch himself, but Nadja caught him with a glance over her shoulder and jerked his arm away. 

“No, nuh uh!” she scolded. “I think that is a much better job for my pig shit of a husband, don’t you?” There was a desperate, muffled noise of agreement from between Nadja’s thighs. 

Laszlo tore his gaze from their naked bodies to glance up at his wife's face. "Really?"

Nadja nodded, her lips twisting into a filthy smirk. "Yes. Show me what a good little cockslut you are," she ordered.

A grateful moan slipped out from Laszlo's open mouth. At this point he would gladly suck his traitorous housemate off if it meant he got to be included. Shuffling forward, Laszlo positioned himself between Nandor’s spread, hairy legs, eyeing the way his thick cock twitched with anticipation. The view was incomparably filthy from this angle; Nadja’s round backside rocked back and forth above him, occasionally revealing a glimpse of Nandor’s tongue gliding along her slit. Laszlo kneeled, transfixed for a moment before a desperate groan from Nandor pulled him back to the matter at hand. 

Taking Nandor in his grasp, Laszlo brought the tip to his mouth and began to suck. His cock was still slick with the taste of his lady wife’s juices, and Laszlo swallowed him down eagerly until Nandor’s curls tickled the tip of his nose. Laszlo had always appreciated a well-endowed man, and he savored the weight on his tongue and the stretch of his mouth as Nandor’s fingers found the back of his head and moved him up and down by the hair. Laszlo groaned deep in his chest. Nandor’s grip was strong, insistent, and Laszlo felt his own prick stiffen impossibly further at being manhandled by the other vampire. 

“Oh, Laszlo, my love,” Nadja said from up above him a moment later, her voice breathless and high pitched. “I’m about to come on your lover’s face. What do you think of that?” 

Laszlo reluctantly pulled Nandor’s cock out of his mouth to reply. “Do it, my darling,” he panted, grinding the heel of his hand into his own aching erection for what little relief it could afford. 

Above him, Nadja’s thighs were shaking, her calves flexing as her lower half began to jerk. Nandor kept her steady with a firm hand on her backside, until at last she gave a long, low cry and threw her head back, her movements slowing as she reached her peak. Laszlo stuffed Nandor’s cock back into his mouth and moaned. There was nothing more beautiful or arousing than the sight of his wife in the throes of a passionate orgasm, and watching her now made his own erection throb painfully in the confines of his trousers. Abruptly, Laszlo felt a surge of precum against his tongue and slowed his movements. The last thing he wanted to do now was to invoke Nadja’s wrath by making Nandor spend before she was ready.

"Oh, _yesss,_ " Nadja hissed, stroking Nandor's hair out of his face with her fingers as he surfaced for unnecessary air. "Yes, keep going. Fuck me with your tongue."

Nandor groaned obediently and dove back in. Another minute of build up passed before Nadja was coming again, and then again, grinding herself down onto Nandor’s open mouth. Nandor's fingers dug into her hips, spreading apart her cheeks to afford Laszlo a premium view as Laszlo continued sucking him. By the time she had sated herself, Nadja’s legs were trembling and unsupportive as she lifted herself off of Nandor's face with a sigh. Laszlo groaned at the sight of them both; Nadja’s inner thighs were wet and sticky, while Nandor’s beard was glistening in places, his mouth red and swollen and slick with her juices. 

“Ah, Nadja,” Nandor exhaled, his chest rumbling with an unvocalized growl of pleasure. “I think you may have sprained my neck.”

Nadja didn't respond. Slowly, using the back of the couch to support herself, she turned around to stare down at her husband, a frown turning her blood stained lips.

“What are you doing? Stop, stop,” Nadja ordered, climbing off the couch to tower over Laszlo’s crouched figure.

“Mmph?” Laszlo asked, his mouth still diligently working their housemate’s cock.

“Are you trying to pleasure him with your mouth or impale your face on his shaft?” Nadja demanded, gesturing towards them both. “Move. I will show you.”

Laszlo pulled off of Nandor with a pop. “ _You?_ Show _me?_ ” he asked, incredulous. 

“Yes. Now, take a note,” said Nadja, lowering herself to kneel beside him. Laszlo scooted over to allow her room to take his place, and she took Nandor in hand and began to stroke. 

“You see this? You see how I am flicking my wrist at the top?” she asked, demonstrating for him. “Now, do the same with your tongue, and you will see what a difference it makes. Observe.” 

Nadja knelt and delivered a slow, lingering suck to Nandor's erect cock, her tongue swirling across the head on the upsweep. Laszlo watched for no more than a moment before shaking his head. 

“No, no, my darling. I appreciate what you’re trying to do, but you’ve got it all wrong,” he said, taking Nandor back in hand and nudging his wife aside in the process. “You’re wasting valuable time by bringing your fist all the way down. Big guy like him, by the time you bring it back up to the top, all those pleasurable sensations are already fading. There’s no build up, no mounting tension. What you want to do is keep to the top, and go for speed. Like so.”

Laszlo bent his head and took Nandor in his mouth, demonstrating the technique he had just described in short, quick movements. Up above, Nandor hissed his approval, throwing his head back against the couch and lifting his thighs in time with Laszlo’s bobbing head. 

Nadja grabbed Laszlo by the hair and pulled him off after a minute. “So, who is better?” she asked flatly, directing the question to Nandor. 

Nandor groaned, his dark eyes flicking across each of their faces. “I can’t… I can’t tell yet. I think I need more time to decide. With each of you. Taking turns.” 

Laszlo hid his smirk by slapping Nandor’s cockhead against his tongue and sucking him down again. 

“Oh, don’t look so smug,” Nadja said, making a grab for Nandor’s prick. “Come on, let me have a turn.”

Laszlo obeyed, reaching out to shift her long black hair to one side to keep it off her face and neck. At length they switched off, and Nadja lowered her mouth to Nandor’s inner thigh to press her reddened lips to his flesh, sinking in a deep bite. The effect of the bite was instantaneous; Nandor's entire body tensed, and he shot forward in his seat, arching his hips up as his erection surged in Laszlo's mouth. Laszlo pulled off before Nandor could come and wrapped his fingers tight around the base.

“Fucking shit!” Nandor hissed, his stiff cock pulsing needfully in Laszlo’s grip. His fingers flexed and unflexed on the couch cushion, nails tearing in until the upholstery came away in his fingers. 

“Oi! Watch what you are doing!” Nadja said, gesturing to the ruined cushion and slapping Nandor disapprovingly on the knee. 

Nandor bucked his hips as a dribble of precum gushed from his tip. “It was… an accident,” he panted, his bloodied chest heaving with every breath. 

“That is no excuse,” said Nadja, before sucking a deep, hard bite into the juncture of his inner thigh. Laszlo traded places with her a moment later, lapping at the broken skin and relishing the taste of blood on his tongue. It was cool in his mouth, unlike blood from a fresh human source, but full of life and flavor nonetheless. Beside him, Nadja licked a long, slow stripe from Nandor's base to tip, leaving a wet red trail in her wake. Nandor moaned, and the sound of it sent a bolt of heat straight to Laszlo's loins. One of the many reasons Laszlo appreciated him as a lover; the man may not have been eloquent, but he was certainly vocal. 

Together, they brought him to the edge a further three times, stopping at the last minute so that Nandor was unable to come. The need was mounting, compounding, and by the end of the fourth time, Nandor’s thighs were trembling violently, every muscle in his body coiled and tense. Blood that had pooled in the corners of his eyes now flowed freely down his cheeks, red tears of frustration streaking his sallow skin.

“Oh, but he is pathetic,” Nadja said sympathetically, mouthing the tightened skin of Nandor’s sack as Laszlo circled his tongue around the head of his cock. “Look how desperate he is, and yet he refuses to beg. I see now why you couldn’t resist him, my darling.”

“I tried to tell you,” Laszlo said, shifting aside so that Nadja could drag her lips along Nandor’s shaft, her red tongue flicking out to tease his leaking slit. 

“P-... _lease,_ ” Nandor gritted out, his entire body shaking now. “I beg you.” 

“What do you think, Laszlo, should we take pity on him?” Nadja asked, sinking another delicate bite into the meat of Nandor’s thigh. 

Laszlo spared a glance up toward their housemate’s ruined features and sighed. “Yes, alright, I suppose. Though he doesn’t deserve it. Cuckolding bastard.” 

Nandor’s hips jerked at that, and Laszlo relaxed the tight grip he held on the base of his cock, allowing Nandor the freedom to thrust to completion between their mingling tongues. Nadja lavished her attentions on the top half of his cock, while Laszlo concentrated on the base. A ragged sob burst from Nandor’s chest as the first pulse of cum shot forth, followed by heavy, labored breathing as his orgasm tore through him, tensing every muscle in his body. The majority of his seed went straight into Nadja's waiting mouth, while Laszlo licked up the excess that dribbled down his thick shaft.

When at last the surge of cum subsided, Nandor sagged back into the sofa, utterly and completely spent. Swallowing her last mouthful, Nadja sat back on her heels and wiped her lips with the back of her hand, glancing from Nandor to Laszlo in confusion. 

“Is that it?” she asked, her brow wrinkled with disappointment.

“I’m afraid so,” Laszlo answered, slapping Nandor companionably on the thigh. Nandor didn’t so much as blink, having entered a borderline catatonic state post-orgasm that Laszlo was well used to by now. Nadja clucked her tongue disapprovingly.

“So little stamina,” she lamented. 

“It’s his one shortcoming,” Laszlo agreed, “and I mean that literally.” He gestured humorously between Nandor’s legs, where the man’s massive, spent prick lay wet against his thigh. 

Nadja laughed at that, and Laszlo stood up, holding out a gentlemanly hand to help her to her feet.

“What say you and I continue this love making session upstairs?” Laszlo suggested, retrieving Nadja’s shawl from the floor and draping it over her shoulders.

“Oooh, Laszlo!” Nadja cooed, nestling into his side with a giggle. 

“You still looking to make it a ménage à trois?” Colin piped up from the doorway, hands stuffed into his khaki pockets. Laszlo and Nadja both jumped and turned to glare at him.

“For fuck’s sake, how long have you been standing there?” Laszlo asked, thankful that he hadn’t removed a single article of clothing during the whole stint. 

“Oh, not long,” said Colin Robinson, casual as anything. “Just caught the end. That was quite a finale. Is he, uh, is he okay there?” He craned his neck to get a better look at Nandor’s prone figure on the sofa.

“He’s fine,” Laszlo snapped. 

“Alright, well, what do you think about my offer?" Colin Robinson asked. "I’ve been told I’m very good at threesomes. In fact, most people prefer to have sex with me in a group setting. I guess I can be a bit much to handle one-on-one.”

“Oh, um, no thank you, Colin Robinson,” Nadja said, wrapping her shawl tighter around her shoulders and edging to one side. “I can think of something better for you to do. Why don’t you um… get Guillermo! Tell him to come fetch Nandor and clean him up.”

“Good idea,” Laszlo seconded, raking a last glance over the boneless, bloodied form of his housemate. “Poor chap could use a little TLC after all that.”

“Why do I have to do it?” Colin asked.

“Well, we can't just leave him here like this,” said Laszlo, before flashing him an accusatory glare. “Unless that’s what you’d prefer.”

“What? No, that’s not—”

“Thanks, Colin. We’ll owe you one!” Nadja said quickly, pulling Laszlo by the hand out of the room before Colin Robinson could finish. 

"Yeah, thanks mate!" Laszlo called over his shoulder, leaving Colin standing alone in the doorway of the fancy room.

Colin Robinson shook his head and sighed, taking one final look at Nandor. "Assholes," he muttered, before leaving him there and heading back downstairs to the basement. Guillermo would find him eventually, and until then, Nandor would probably be fine.

**Author's Note:**

> *Laszlo is referring to War Admiral, a racehorse from the 1930s. I am very punny.
> 
> This was my first time writing a threesome, and also my first time writing from Laszlo's POV. I wasn't sure whether I would ever finish it, so I hope you all enjoyed.


End file.
